Twisted Arabian Nights!
by Coral Q's bff
Summary: Come and join the audience in a splendid theatrical performance by great nins of Konoha and Akatsuki alike. A simple tale of a boy dreaming to live in a palace, eh? NO WAY! Beware of randomness, obscenity, and absolute worshipping of Hinata the princess!


An: Sorry, but it had to be done!

Disclaim: No own Naruto.

**Twisted Arabian Nights promo**

Itachi stared at the script given to him. Today, he is not Itachi Uchiha, member of Akatsuki. No. Thanks to a certain authoress, he is Itachi Bin Ladin! He twitched and writhed in shock. There's just no way! And he's NOT in the main pairing? He's NOT going to end up with the girl? This is a disgrace! He's Itachi Uchiha!

The former Akatsuki member gulped as the lights dimmed and the stage began to uprise. This isn't good...

**Twisted Arabian Nights Chapter One**

A narrator sat on a stool just as the curtains pulled up revealing... An actual desert! With heat and everything! The narrator, as the audience noticed, paid no mind and started with a deep into, "Within the deepest darkest parts of the early nights, one wouldn't ponder why there's two bickering merchants. But then, we're safe here behind this big line, ladies and gents, so whatever you do, don't cross it!"

The swirling desert moved onto a huge sandy city as the day became evening, and indeed when everyone in the audience adjusted their eyes, there were two bickering merchants. Or are they?

"Damnit! I told you a hundred billion times!"

"Shut up. I told you to just quite complaining."

"If you hadn't sold that holy ritual jar, I wouldn't be complaing now WOULD I?!"

"That 'holy ritual jar' is a toilet. A genuine pure gold _TOILET_. You don't need it."

"How the F(lunk) would you know?!"

At that moment the two merchants turned toward the audience.

"Ah! Little money-bearing unassuming sheep! Er, I mean customers. How may we help you? Shall I interest you in this nice **necklace** for a very **modest price** of **1,000,000,000**?" One asked while holding up a** pencil** happily.

"Oh screw you! Always Money, Money, MONEY!!"

Narrator coughed.

"Ah, right. My name is Kakuzu Hous Bin Pharteen. And over there is..."

"HIDAN!"

"Hidan I Bin Pharteen." Kakuzu Hous Bin Pharteen said annoyed.

Hidan I Bin Pharteen huffed and crossed his arms. "So?!"

Kakuzu Hous Bin Pharteen rolled his eyes and pulled out a tissue. "How's this? Genuine polyester for only 799.99."

Narrator got annoyed and began to turn the stage using his remote.

"WAIT, wait, wait!"

Narrator continued to move the stage away from the merchants, who were running to catch up to their leaving vict- er, customers.

The audience sweatdropped seeing a nearly dead Hidan and a huffing Kakuzu.

"D-damn you, Narrator..." Hidan gasped lying down on the ground.

"I'm too old for this..." Kakuzu huffed on the floor.

Narrator frowned. If he allowed the merchants to tell the tale, he wouldn't have much to say... Then again, his vocal cords could use a rest! But since the authoress is tired of all that talk of money, she decided to move forward with the current narrator.

"Well, ladies and gents, if ever you decide to go to the marketplace, beware of such people, haha."

Narrator once again moved the stage, over to a dark cliff... Where a dark man waits for his dark purpose.

"Wow, what brilliance!" The narrator cried.

The dark villain replied, "Why thank you."

"I was talking about the horse."

The audience once again sweatdropped. Exactly why did they purchase tickets to this performance again?

The villain scowled and turned his face towards the moon. Inwardly, his personality shapeshifted... To what he really was!

**_'Damnit! Why aren't I in the main pairing with the gorgeous lovely Princess Hinata?! I'm sexy, I'm cute! I DESERVE the right to FUCK her senseless!!'_**roared Inner Itachi as he rolled on the mental black ground wailing and pouting as though he was actually protesting to leave Britteny alone and his voice began to crack. **_'I dEsERve HER, I'm THe ONE that does all THE work! WWWWhhhhhhyyyyyy??'_**

The villain sighed shaking as though nothing happened, thus creeping out the poor audience. He glared at the man before him, the man he had sent to find the key to the Cave of Wonders. "You... Are late..."

The masked man grinned. "To- er... Thiefy is a good- Eh... Thiefy is... Thiefy is... Boy... Good... Um..." The guy scratched his head in thought... Before shrugging. "Thiefy is a good boy. Man. Man-boy. Boy-man."

Everyone in the audience sweatdropped.

From behind the curtains, the rest of the actors slapped their foreheads. Tobi was only supposed to apologize for being late! WHAT THE FREAK IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT?!

The villain growled, which made the thief panic.

"Eeeeeh! THIEFY IS A GOOD- I MEAN, EH... Thiefy is sorry! Thiefy shouldn't have kept you waiting! Thiefy will be a good boy from now on!" The thief cried.

For a while, no one spoke.

The thief sighed "Phew!" and turned to give a thumbs up at the actors backstage curtain.

The actors twitched sweating while looking away. _'HELL WE DO NOT KNOW THAT GUY!_'

The absolutely evil villain glared. This was definitely not his day. He was positively evil, and this thief is ruining his excellent villainess!**_ 'Plus not to mention he's wasting my screentime! Just get to the part where I get to be with the GORGEOUS and VULNERABLE Hinata-hime! I can hear her squealing my name in delight!' _**"You have it then?" He said emotionless.

"Thiefy had to go get the key,"

**'Oooh Itachi-kun!'**

"Go use the bathroom in the Evile-4-Reel Diner,"

**'Umph! Umph! Hime!'**

"Get toilet paper from the mean man in the next stall,"

**'Eaaargh! Itachi-kun!'**

"And give everyone a ring pop,"

**'Omph, omph, YEAH HIME!'**

"But Thiefy got it!" The thief chirped pulling out half of a golden cookie.

For a while, there was silence seeing as how the villain was still living his fantasy.

Narrator coughed. "Evil villain?"

"O-Oh. So you finally got it." The evil villain snatched it up despite the complaining from the thief as to how rude it was and pulled out of thin air GASP! Another half of a golden cookie!

The audience blinked in frustration. Exactly what was the whole point of this... Cookie?

The dark lord of evillness then gestured to his side and revealed a small fish bowl... The bowl's not so interesting... **But the thing inside it was!**

"Itachi-san, it's cramped in here!" complained the scrunched up grey-bluish creature thing.

"Bird, tell me if it's genuine." The evil of all evils said while holding up the two gold cookie pieces.

"BIRD?! I'M IN A FISH BOWL!" yelled the thing. (If you can't tell who it is, poo to you!)

"DO it."

"Yeah. Yeah. It is." Moaned the poor... Whatever it is.

"Okay." The villain covered the bowl, ignoring the pleas of the poor thing. The dark sinister man whose degree exceeds that of all evil villains who went to Cheat school and bullied other villains for the sake of rising their grades in Meantology and Jerk-i-ometry. The man who one day will do the unthinkable, unimaginable, unbreakable, undeniable, unforgettable, suicidal, and all. But he is certainly NOT the man who would try to seek out the partnership of another man who happens to be his teacher and kill a clan and leave out a certain little boy to suffer sadness, depression, emoness, jerkiness, and go off to be an underling in another organization where he slowly becomes blind due to certain issues and go back to battle the little boy in order to die.

Narrator paused to catch his breath. "Phew! Anyway..."

The said villain slowly held up the two pieces of the cookie and steadily, the two halves became one...

For a moment, nothing happened.

Narrator coughed a whole lot.

Then a random light from above the stage shone on the cookie.

The audience stared... What the heck is this?

"Hehe, we're at a low budget!" laughed Narrator as he randomly placed his foot at a certain panel and lo! From the sands came out a huge... Sandy... Kyuubi?

**_"WHO FUCKIN' DARES TO DISTURB MY QUALITY TIME?! I WAS ABOUT TO FIND OUT IF LARRY EVER GETS IT ON WITH ASHLEY!!"_**

"K-Kyuubi! What happened to Shukaku?!" yelled the Narrator.

**_"HAD A STUPID, MOTHER-CRAP OF A BET ON A GAME OF DOMINO'S! I SWEAR, THAT STUPID RACOON IS OUT TO GET ME! hIM AND HIS LITTLE FROG TOO!"_**

"I see... Carry on." Narrator said. "Ladies and Gentlemen please disregard the possible trauma that will happen if none have been made already."

The audience sweatdropped further.

The evil villain then nodded, dropping the golden cookie which apparently had not so much of a role in life at all, and gasped dramatically. "At last... The cave of wonders!" Swaying for a bit, he collasped on the horse.

The thief shrieked in concern and ran over to the villain of villains and cried, "Oh are you okay?"

"Oh, I will be, but the amazement is too much! You go first, I'll catch up!" The villain cried.

"Oh. Okay! Thiefy's a good... Er... Bad... Um... Thiefy's a Good kid!" The thief ran into the cave of wonders without question.

The Kyuubi then gasped hearing a been and gazed at a nearby electronic sand hourglass and yelped. **_"SHOOT! I'M MISSING MY SHOW!" _**Then, digging down, the cave disappeared.

"Oh no! Well... This is going to take more than just me... That cave requires a diamond in the rough." said the evil man of evil deeds.

"Why's that?" questioned the thing in the fishy bowl.

"For lack of a better plot." shrugged the madman. "Anyways... It's time to go..."

Narrator then sighed as he pressed a button to befall a curtain down. "End of Act 1, part 1."

* * *

Coral: Teehee! This is the first time I've ever done something like this... So embarrassing...

Hinata: A-ano... Coral-san... W-who...

Coral: Well, Hinata, you're the princess in this random Aladdin parody.

Hinata: E-eh?!

Coral: And the prince will be none other than Naruto!

Hinata: (Turns red) E-eh?!

Coral: But I'm planning my own few surprises, so watch out!

Hinata: (Turns redder) E-eh?!

Coral: Mm-hm... Might even have a Hinata harem...

Hinata: (faints)

Coral: Huh?! Oh Hinata! You okay? Well, I guess since you're not going to appear for a while... Anyway, this was inspired by various Aladdin parodies and especially Mahou Inu Alex-san's humor fics. (bows) I hope you like it! Please review when you can!


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